The Impossible Dream

I was watching the shores managing my auburn velvety hair brushing my face when I heard a deep voice “Alone?”

I looked around; yes the question was posed to me.

There he stood a man in his forties, grey hairlines and deep brown eyes reflecting the warmth of sun he was looking at me. Those eyes had a unique color, a mix of light and dark. He had a gentle one sided grin and was smiling. He had tough cheek bones and had macho archetype looks.

I paused for a while and replied “I love watching waves and I also love to watch it alone”.

With his brown eyes fixed on me he pulled a cig and walked towards me. I could smell the musk of his perfume. It’s been a decade I am single and this man is now standing by my side.

“Do you want to play with those waves?” he asked.

“You just heard me, I love to watch waves and that too alone”, I replied in a denial mode.

“Yes I know, you said that” he replied with that grin fixed on his lips.

I just don’t know why I took a quick peep at myself, when he said “You look tender and beautiful, I love your eyes. You have doe eyes. The eyeliner rimming your eyes makes them stand out so much more”.

“So you were watching me?” I asked suddenly angry.

“I watch you every day, it’s only today that you noticed me”, he smiled.

“Do you know it’s a crime to stalk a woman, and you are explaining my eyes” I replied but deep in I was happy that I was complimented.

Still I thought is my loneliness so obvious, how he could read my mind.

“Let’s get into the water” he said and giving me no chance he dragged me to the sea.

I felt that touch which I had forgotten ages back, I froze; my fingers trembled when he pushed me in the water.

“I don’t know to swim, I will drown” I shrieked

“Easy, easy I am there” he said and lifted me. I could feel his heartbeat the pound of his chest when we both crushed on the froth.

He dipped me several times in that salty water all the while me clutching him tightly; the salty water passed my throat when he pressed his lips on mine.

Pushing him back, breaking in sobs I told him “Why did you do it?”

“You need it and I will do it again”, that familiar one sided grin.

My wet gown was cutting my skin when we both walked back to the shore.

“I watch you every day, this time when you stand and watch the waves and I am no stalker, I know you”, he said but this time he wrapped around his arms around me.

I loved that touch of his when he again spoke “Fix a steaming cup of coffee for us, else we will catch a cold”

“Are you coming to my home?”I asked as I was surprised

“Yes, I am”, that smile again.

Am I in love with this man, a stranger who has been stalking me, I thought. What’s wrong with me? I am certainly not desperate, yes I am lonely but this man is a stranger.

“You have a nice house, it’s bliss to have a cottage next to a beach”, he said pulling a new cig

“You even know where I stay”, I asked again.

“I know everything about you, and I know you love me”, he smiled pulling me closer to him.

Our eyes met each other; my time froze when he lowered him again and kissed me hard on my lips. That kiss I had been missing since decades.

“Not here please, it’s public” I said but couldn’t look at him.

Smiling he kissed me for the last time pulling me closer to him, he said “As you wish”.

We reached our cottage. My trembling fingers couldn’t unlatch the door. There he touched me again, took those keys and opened the door.

We entered and he shut the door behind me. I still asked knowing the answer fully well “Why are you locking the door?”

“Do you want everyone to watch us when we make love”, he grinned pulling me close.

“I can’t please, I had been alone for decades, I can’t”, my lips trembled replying him. I was weeping.

It was evening and my room was dark, he asked me not to put on the lights, he took out his lighter and lit the candles which I use when I pray.

Looking at my eyes, he said “I know you want to make love with me sheila, don’t lie to yourself, and be honest”

Before I could reply his feisty hands embraced me, the passion flared up. I couldn’t hold myself anymore, I gave in.

He kissed my forehead, my eyes, he touched my eye lashes, my earlobes burnt as he kissed them, he pulled me closer.

He kissed my neck and whispered “Your sensations are palpable on your squeaky clean face. Your pain is apparent in the ridge of your sublime brow and the down-curve of your juicy lips. But your eyes, your eyes didn’t lie. They were a deep piscine of restless gold, an ocean of hopeless grief.  I looked into your eyes several times I knew you need me, my passion. Desire turned your moist eyes into driblet of the brightest blaze, and in them I read you need me tonight. Cry Maria cry, let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.  Let’s make love tonight”.

“I can’t, I cannot make love”, I moaned as I closed my eyes

He whispered “Feel me, I know you haven’t felt a man for years”, he bit my lips with his fingers removing my hook.

“Don’t you want to feel me, Maria?” he knew my answer.

He undid himself, I couldn’t look at him, he lifted my face only to bring it closer, I closed my eyes when his lips mine, his hands were all over me, tears streaming down my face I said “Why are you doing this to me, you too will leave me”. He didn’t answer; he lifted me to that bed where I have been sleeping alone all these years.

He was over me, his hands clutching mine, lips locked he gently asked said “Don’t fear to be alone, it will make you strong, learn to love yourself, aren’t you a strong woman? Don’t you watch the sea alone? And why shy watching me love? Don’t you feel to be loved?”.

He moved down,  he kissed my toes, removed my anklets when he entered me. We made love, the ecstasy, the passion of soul. The moment eternal – just that and no more – When ecstasy’s utmost we clutch at the core, while cheeks burn, arms open, eyes shut and lips open.

The glares of the morning sun woke me up, it was 9 in the morning, where is he? I was dreaming, all the while I was dreaming that impossible dream, that dream which I dream every night for him to come and make me his bride.

My closet are full of poems I write to him, each night on a eucalyptus leaf with smashed word broken. Someday for him to come and make love. His lips brushing mine. Not innocently, like chaff but hot, burning, sensual and clamorous. I want to pull away from him before I lose myself but I can’t seem to…In this pristine moment, my senses have been seduced and I can no longer think straight. I smile, my heart fluttering at his un heard voice as I write my poems on those leaves.

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